He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
