If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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