Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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