Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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