Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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