Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
