And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
