So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
