You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
