Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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