it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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