Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
