I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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