You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
