I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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