it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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