you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
