how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
