After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
