A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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