you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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