Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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