just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ate ashes out of my bong
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
