I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
jump out the window naked night went bad
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
