Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
