She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We left the knife in your bed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
