my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
