Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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