I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
