my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
