His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
