this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize