It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
