Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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