This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
