I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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