she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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