Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
