There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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