I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize