drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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