You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
