the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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