I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
