We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
