you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
