im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
