she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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