then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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