What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
