im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
