That's intense
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
