it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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