I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
