I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
