Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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