States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
