You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's paper in my vomit.
Its about making memories worth repressing
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
