Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
