do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
