onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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