He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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