ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
