They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
