did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
