Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
