So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
