Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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