Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
