oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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