He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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