Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
