well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
