Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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