i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
