i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
