I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
