FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
