I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
stop calling my apartment porn island.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
