Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
