my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
