Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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