I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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